Boxing Day Blues

Well peeps that’s the Christmas period out of the way and for the first festive season ever Poacher hasn’t put in an appearance. Our long list of cancellations meant that at the time of writing I haven’t donned the suit since our 3-1 win over Hereford. Of course I missed the 5-0 Bury defeat because the suit was left in a right state by whoever else had used it. Well this weekend against Bradford I was hoping for my first outing, but sadly that didn’t occur either. This time the suit hadn’t been collected from the dry cleaners, meaning I’ve had my longest spell out of the fur for thirteen years. This year is the first year the club has also had full use of the suit and there seems to be a settling in period.

I’ve had some eventful Boxing Day clashes. The biggest was probably 2009 when we played Chesterfield. I had been contacted by a film crew in the weeks leading up to the match. It seemed a guy wanted a chance to be a mascot, and wondered what I could teach him. I offered him a place in Mrs Poacher’s suit, and he responded by asking if he could come to my house and film a bit of an interview. Of course I said yes, and so at 9am on 26^th December a bloke and his girlfriend turned up on my doorstep.

Now I think his name was Anthony, a really top guy. I know her name was Siobhan because somehow I remember pretty girls names much easier than I do blokes!! They did a bit of filming, asked a few questions and I cooked them a bacon butty or two. The questions were fairly standard stuff, but it was all good fun. I remember they wanted to film where Poacher stayed during the day, and back then it was my responsibility to look after the suit: No surprise it was all cleaned and ready to go when they arrived!

We went to the ground together and they followed me for my usual pre match routine. We had a few beers and then migrated into the stands to watch the game. It was agreed that we wouldn’t go out at half time, and that they could film me during the game. Ant also asked if he could wire me and him for sound so they could get our internal mascot audio for their filming. I obviously said yes.

We got out on the pitch and I kept giving Ant some tips. As Alan Long said hello to the fans I happened to call Ant over and tell him a story about Chesterfields miners and the sort of vitriol that used to be aimed at them in the 1980’s (you can shove your f*cking miners up your ar5e etc). I noted that Alan looked a tad surprised. Anyway we carried on and as I went round my language got more colourful: only this time some people seemed to be able to hear. As I got closer to Casey and his booth I noticed that I could hear feedback….. I turned to Ant to ask what the f*ck was going on, and clearly heard myself over the tannoy system (which is quite an achievement given the tannoy system at City).

It appears that the frequency the two guys were using was the same frequency as the system, and some of my comments had been audible across the ground. Come 90 minutes I didn’t care though because we’d won 2-1 and Jack Lester had missed a penalty. Apparently my celebration of the penalty miss was the highlight of the film.

The other Boxing Day that really stands out in my mind was my first season. We played Macclesfield and I seem to recall won 1-0 thanks to a Steve Holmes penalty. Anyway the club had been in a bit of trouble, and as I went around at half time a fan grabbed me and really gave me a good telling off! He said I was a drain on the clubs finances and I should go forth and multiply. Or something.

See that really got to me. I was (as I may have mentioned) purely a voluntary worker, and therefore didn’t actually cost the club anything. I suppose you could argue (certainly now) that the image of Poacher, Poachers club etc actually brings funds to the club. Anyway I was very offended by this moron, and felt angry enough to write a strongly worded letter to the Echo putting my point across.

The letter was clearly read by Jerry Lonsdale who was commercial manager at the time. I have the greatest respect for Jerry as he always made sure he said thank you or pointed out the things I did wrong. It’s always good to know where you stand, and with Jerry you did. I was also grateful that he gave me the job in the first place. Anyway Jerry felt strongly enough to write me a letter thanking me for my efforts and reiterating the clubs gratitude that I gave up my time to perform as Poacher. I still have that letter: to date the only one the club have written me!

There was a Christmas clash with Bradford a few years ago where I believe we lost 2-1 that also sticks in the memory. I was going out with a girl some of you may remember (certainly Chopper will), who was not only extremely good looking (in my opinion) but also a bit of a spoilt kid (everyone’s opinion). As I got changed she attempted to remain n the bar area where the likes of Shane Clarke and the rest of the youth team were watching the game. I vetoed the idea and insisted she came to change with me: Billy the Bantam appeared as well. Bradford’s mascot is essentially The City Gent, a well known and likeable character whom I hold in very high esteem. The Bantam is a mascot who only seemed to do home games and apparently has a penchant for adding pretty girls he barely knows on Facebook, including my spoilt brat of an ex. That’s why it sticks in my mind, the anger. That and Barry Conlon getting the last laugh in our ongoing battle (the one I know about and he doesn’t) by scoring the last minute winner.

Anyway Happy New Year to you all. The next blog will be my big TV appearance on Ant and Dec I think. It’ll be a two parter with some special guest stars and the usual injection of dry humour.