Okay so what you have been reading so far is the first few chapters of my ‘mascot book’ that I started to knock together in 2006. Tempus publishing were interested in it and so I put a few chapters together and sent it off to see what they thought. Tempus have released books for lower league players such as Jimmy Glass (the keeper that saved Carisle a few years ago) and they’ve done some mascot stuff to. They came back to me and said they would definately like to press on with the book, but that Lincoln City FC had to purchase £200 at £8 a shot to sell in the club shop. My days as a author ended there.
Of course who’d have thought that the popularity of blogging would see my take on the mascot world finally here for people to read for free on the internet! Personally I never wanted to actually be an author, I just wanted people to laugh a bit at the mascot world and possibly find it interesting. Hope you all do.
Over the coming few months I shall be recounting the rest of my mascot life, from the manic 2001 Shrewsbury ‘Battle of the Mascots’ (which will be two or three blogs long. A lot happened, those Welsh are mental)(just to clarify I know Shrewsbury isn’t in Wales, its a dig. Thanks). I’ll also blog about my appearance on Ant and Dec, the time Poacher went to Wembley, TWO play off finals and of course the time I got too drunk to drive to the 2002 mascot grand national, so ended up doing laps of a Sheffield housing estate. All to come on my blog!
I’d also like to have any mascot related questions as well. If you have anything you’dlike to ask, I’m going to be as candid as I can.
I also plan on telling you about the day to day life of a mascot as well, the sorts of characters I meet and the general politics that surround us. I’ll give you a brief idea of the sort of thing I mean.
This Saturday was the big bottom of the league clash between us and Hereford as you might know. You might also know that Friday marked the 32nd year of me being alive, and therefore I hit the bright lights of Lincoln for a few bevvies. A few turned into a lot, and a lot turned into breakfast. Next thing you know it’s 9am and I’ve drunk myself sober and am required at the game in just 3 hours.
Fast forward 3 hours (i can’t adequately describe the pain of those three hours so its better to skip them) and I find myself huddled over a coke in the Exec Club barely able to speak let alone stand. The suit is waiting for me and everyone thinks its hilarious to give me some stick about being hungover. If I’m naming names then Casey, Alan Long and the photography team of Andrew, Chris and Graham. Bastards!!
Anyway after the hilarious ritual of hitting me in the tummy and talking about greasy food I managed to get myself into the changing room where Jodie Tipper had mentioned I might find a dirty suit. Jodie is the lady who works tirelessly in Poachers corner pushing the Poachers kids club. Recently she has taken over from Rob Noble as my ‘contact’ at the club, something Robis over the moon about! His comments to me when I mentioned about the minging suit was ‘at its not mine to look after anymore’…. cheers Rob!
Jodie wasn’t wrong. The suit was absolutely soaking wet, stinking of homelessness and as appealing to wear as a ton of horse manure. I crawled into it anyway, still feeling as rough as the actual second I popped the last triple vodka and red bull down my cake hole. The suit was revolting, the dampness had almost frozen on the suit so I was essentially getting a ready made cold sweat and shivers.
Of course when you go out on the pitch none of this can be spottedby the fans, so the usual waving and dancing ensued, although every movement I made meant someone elses stale odours were being rubbed into me. Everytime Alan Long approached the suit he commented on how smelly it was. Most embarrasingly for me Alan suggested I hug the females sponsors as apparently Poacher loves a ‘yummy mummy’. I think what Alan should have said is ‘I love making Poacher hug people when he smells like a tramp’. You have to love Alan.
So there in a nutshell is just a tiny glimpse of the day to day stuff. Every match, every event almost every time I pull on the suit there is something worth blogging about, whether its me being accused a staring at cheerleaders in my suit (in my defence I wasn’t, you’d have noticed. That suit leaves little to the imagination believe it or not) or whether its me absorbing the sort of nastiness even pigs don’t get in a sty.
So I think tomorrow I shall try and take you through my 13 year relationship with Alan Long, another voluntary worker like myself who dedicates time to the club purely for the love of it.
themascotdiaries 